


Gaslight

by Mayaxiong



Category: Southern Vampire Mysteries - Charlaine Harris, True Blood (TV)
Genre: Arson, Bikinis, Comedy, Decapitation, F/M, Fishing, Humor, Multi, Payback, Romantic Comedy, Swords, Vampire Bites, Vandalism, Worms, corvette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayaxiong/pseuds/Mayaxiong
Summary: Sookie’s encounters with vampire politics seems to just never end. How will she handle this newest development? Sookie/Victor/Eric M for language All SVM characters are the property of Charlaine Harris, I'm just taking them out for a spin.
Relationships: Sookie Stackhouse & Victor Madden
Kudos: 4





	Gaslight

**Author's Note:**

> Previously published March 19, 2010 on my FF.Net page under my other name, AphroditesChild54.

GASLIGHT

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Sookie’s encounters with vampire politics seems to just never end. How will she handle this newest development? 

Humor, Eric/Sookie/Victor

SPOV

"Hey Sis".. Jason mumbled over the phone with his mouth full, as usual, "Hoyt and me are gonna go fishing tomorrow down at Spring Bayou, you wanna go? It might do you some good to get out of that old house..."

I sighed and looked around me.. not much to do around here since Amelia and Octavia had split, and I was in the mood for a little diversion that didn't require me to lose any more blood than usual, or get my clothes ripped off of me. Not that there's anything wrong with that... Just some nice clean fun for a change. I was beginning to feel like Mata Hari, what with all the intrigue in my life for the past couple of years. 

"Sure, whatever. You bringing beer?"  
What a stupid question on my part. Did Hasslehoff like Big Macs? I was almost embarrassed for myself.

"Uh yeah, what the fuck? You can't troll for bass, Sookie, without beer. It's like, against the Wildlife and Game handbook or something.. I mean, it's part of the fishing license, even."  
I rolled my eyes at that observation. 

"Fine, what time are we going, and NO I'm not providing lunch for you two lazy rednecks.".. probably the only reason they want me along anyway. 

"Aw, come on Sis, you know Hoyt and me can't cook, and besides, he always talks about the mean bacon and egg sandwiches you make.. We'll be there around 7 AM. "  
Is there a 7 o'clock in the morning too? Gawd..

"Oh and Sookie, you can invite Bill if you want to, you know, I don't hold grudges."  
My mouth dropped open at his stupidity. 

"It might be a little awkward explaining his smoking skin and clothes while we're setting up trotlines, don't you think? "

"Oh shit, I forgot, he can't come out in the daytime, can he, sorry, what was I thinking?” he snorted..

That Jessica Simpson was getting love handles? Who knows what went on in that wilderness called Jason's brain. 

"Fine, and bring some Miller Lite, it's the only beer I can drink that doesn't give me a raging headache. "

"Deal, see you tomorrow morning, and uh, don't forget the Cheetos and tortilla chips, and maybe some bean dip for later, and some pork rinds would really hit the spot...."

"Look Jason, I'm not catering a Hillbilly wedding, so let's just leave it at a couple sandwiches each, ok?"

Geez already. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but with Jason, someone would have to put in a dedicated 3" PVC pipeline to keep him full and happy. 

"Damn girl, don't pickle your lizard over it, for Christ sakes.. Fine, bye."

I sighed and figured digging worms for bait would be a welcome diversion from my earlier task of sprucing up my tan and all...so I folded my Enquirer, tossing it onto the back porch while I re-tied the strings to my red bikini top. Sunbathing was one of the few pleasures still left to me where I didn't need a partner. 

Scooping dirt while on my knees was therapeutic enough, I suppose, it was mindless work after all, and I felt soothed by the repetition of digging and the squirmy little critters in my hands. So much so, I didn't realize how late it was getting.. Whoopsie. 

"Good evening, Miss Stackhouse, my what an elegant hobby you seem to have acquired.."

I hate getting caught by surprise, yet again. Especially by one Victor Madden, lethal right-hand man of King Felipe DeCastro..ruler of not only Nevada, but now Louisiana and Arkansas as well. Two very vicious and underhanded vampires, I can testify to that. 

Apparently in my frenzy to dig earthworms out of my flowerbeds, I had neglected to notice his stealthy approach. I'd make Jason pay for this one all right... if I lived through it, that is... This guy was here for no good reason, that was obvious. He just stared at me, wearing a gorgeous Italian silk suit that looked like it cost more than I made in a year. 

I decided to try and play it safe to see what the fuck was up. Damn.

"Um, hey Victor, could you hand me that bait bucket right over there, thanks Hon". 

I stood up and wiped my grimy hands on my apron, and dusted off my knees, using my best Crazy Sookie grin...you know, the one I reserve for psychos and Bill's ex-girlfriends..

"At your service...Miss Stackhouse.. May I assist you in some way, possibly with a hose-down or something?" 

He eyed the handle of the pail as if it was leprous and picked it up daintily with his thumb and forefinger.. a broad sneer spreading across his face.

"Or perhaps I should call you Mrs. Northman, it would seem that congratulations are in order.."

Damn, this can't be good. He knows better than to be here without Eric's permission or knowledge. I had to think fast.

I snorted... "Yeah right. Nothing like celebrating being force-bonded to a 1000 year old man, is there?" 

"Why Sookie..I can call you Sookie, can't I? After all, we should be old friends by now..." 

He started moving sideways around me, so that he was between me and the back door to the house...

"I would think you would be deliriously happy to be wed to the Sheriff of Area 5, it's a most auspicious match, a famed telepath and survivor of the Fae war, aligned with a notorious Viking libertine with an unquenchable sex drive...Oh my, did I say something amiss? Oops. "

OK,I was starting to get a little pissed off now...but I was still waiting to see what Victor had up his sleeve. My demeanor had now changed into one of annoyance with just a touch of boredom. .

"Hey, not at ALL, Victor, Uh, is there a reason you're here, or is it just my lucky day to have you drop in unannounced and without a prior appointment?” My voice dripping sarcasm, I started to circle back around to the front of the house slowly, knowing I had an extra set of car keys under the driver's side floor mat.

Was that a pout? Definitely a pout. Victor shook his hair back, obviously in a snit at being reminded of his lowlier-than-thou station next to Felipe, that he was supposed to request to see me and ONLY with the inclusion of Eric.

"Actually Sookie.." He recovered himself sufficiently enough so that his leering smile returned...  
"I'm here to finish some...personal...business.."

Ulp.

"Uh...personal as in ... " I made a back and forth sign with my grubby fingers...

"Oh HEAVENS no, my dear girl. What I have in mind is much more....permanent. " he sneered. "No offense of course, not that you're not lovely in your own way, but.." he eyed me up and down with an obvious disdain.. You're just not my cup of tea"...and then straightened out his tie.

"Uh huh...so what seems to have gotten on your wick, Victor?" 

"I'm so glad you have manners enough to inquire, so many just don't have proper upbringing these days, what with television and texting and those insufferable...."

I sighed and waited for his rant to finish, realizing I was pretty vulnerable standing there in just my bikini and straw hat. Too bad he didn't play on the same team I did, or I might have been able to distract him with no trouble whatsoever.....

".....And the most ridiculous excuses for haberdashers, honestly, it's enough to make one swoon with disgust..."

He paused mid-rant, hands gesturing wildly, then apparently remembered he'd come all the way out here for a reason.

"Actually, my business is you..." His creepy smile widened...  
"You see, Miss Stack...err...Sookie, your so-called bonded, Eric Northman, caused me a great personal loss...."

"What kind of loss, did he beat you at Texas Hold-Em in Vegas again? You really should take some lessons in poker if you're going to play with someone who was there when they basically invented the stupid game, Victor.."

Victor looked confused for a moment, then considered what I'd said..

"Ah, you're observant, Sookie and quite right. I seem to always get caught up in the heat of the moment, as it were..but that's not what brought me here tonight.."  
He started pacing back and forth. It looked as if he was working himself up to something.

"And?"... I motioned for him to hurry up already...I had things to do, and they didn't include him. 

"You see, your bonded was responsible for my VERY dear friend and partner, Xavier, being deported back to Portugal yesterday, on an AVP customs violation...”  
He paced back and forth faster, his eyes taking on a gleam of fury..  
"It would seem that Xavier neglected to tell the AVP and Immigration that he was an escapee from prison in Lisbon, and...so, well, you know Immigration, they have absolutely no sense of humor, and don't even get me started on that bitch Nan Flanagan...she's just a ..."

By now he was at full rant, I could see where this was heading and I had to really come up with something to divert him.  
"So what exactly did Eric do that got him deported?"

Victor spun around and glared at me with fangs drawn...pointing his bony finger in my general direction. He hissed, shaking with anger..  
"Xavier was at Fangtasia the other night, minding his own business, draining some idiot tourist in the men's room, when he was dragged out by his hair by Northman himself, and handed over to the authorities without even so much as a by-your-leave. HONESTLY, what's the world coming to when one can't even have a midnight snack in the privacy of the men's room anymore?"

"Yeah, I’m sure George Michael wonders the same thing.  
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that, Victor, but what does that have to do with me?"  
Ok, here it comes. I readied myself to run if I got the chance.

Victor's eyes glowed red, his fangs had run completely out by now and he growled, crouching down to pounce on me any second..  
"Northman caused me pain, Sookie, he took away my most beloved partner...so I plan to do the same to him...!!"

I hurriedly put my hand up.. "Wait...you, you haven't heard then?" 

VIctor paused mid-pounce, a confused look pasted on his emaciated face.  
"Heard? Heard what, Miss Stackhouse?"

I threw my hands up in frustration. "Honestly, Victor, you guys have to work out a better communications system between you. Where've you been? Don't you have email or carry a cell phone or anything?" 

"Uh, I've been in Portugal, acquiring legal staff for Xavier, and why no, I abhor the use of technology, it's rather tacky, and I never was able to master computers, they seem so cold and impersonal. I think the world has lost the art of conversation, Miss Stackhouse... and furthermore..."

GAWD, this lunatic was long-winded. Xavier probably staged his own deportation just to get away from this egomaniacal snob. 

"Ahem. Hey, Woo hoo.." my hands waved across his field of vision, throwing a roadblock up against his newest rant. I was quickly losing interest in his opinions. 

"What I was trying to tell you, Victor, is that Eric and I are NOT together. He dumped me when he found out my telepathy vanished after the um.. Fairy incident.." I pretended to look devastated. Not that I wasn't, just not for the reason I was giving him..

"Apparently he'd only wanted me to enhance his power base for Area 5, and when my talent vanished, so did his so-called feelings for me..." I pretended to sniffle..  
"In fact..." I started walking towards Victor slowly..

Victor leaned toward me, his face a mask of shock and bewilderment. 

"He broke my HEART !..Waahhhhhhhh!! "

I broke into a decibel shattering wail that would have made Lucille Ball proud..  
I covered my face with my hands and sobbed for all I was worth.

Obviously stunned, Victor sputtered..

"Oh, Miss Stackhouse, I'm truly sorry, I had NO idea, how cruel of him to have treated you so abominably! What despicable behavior, but then what do you expect from a Barbarian savage such as he. Just because he puts on a suit now and then, and yes I agree he does look smashing in a suit...and those jeans he favors certainly do wonders for his physique ..but STILL !!"...

Would this guy just shut the fuck up already?

My sobs changed to hiccupping outbursts..  
"He doesn't give a crap about me, he cares more for his damn CAR than he does about ME! I wish I'd never met him, and I find out he's been screwing some trashy fangbanger from the club the whole time, and I just want to pay him BACK !! "

I peeked between my fingers to see if Victor had bought it.

"Well obviously my eradicating you is not going to affect him one way or the other, Miss Stackhouse, so I guess I'm at a loss as to what to do next."  
Now he looked grumpy.  
"Perhaps I should eliminate Pamela, that should set him thinking, I'm quite sure. "  
He pondered the possibility, tapping his lip with his finger..

"Oh I know how to pay him back. You know that damn red Corvette of his?"  
I gave him my best Crazy Sookie grin.

"Ah yes, he DID seem quite fond of it.."

"Fond, hell, he'd sleep with that fucking thing if he could get it in his bedroom. He spent more money on getting that car detailed than he did on my birthday present, for Chrissakes. If you REALLY want to get back at Eric, fuck up that car. He loves it like mothers milk. It would completely destroy him ! " 

I smirked, nothing like a good revenge plot to get a guy’s motor running. 

"Hmmm, now that you mention it, he does seem like the type to obsess over mechanical conveyances to the point of nausea. Maybe I should egg the paint job or knife his convertible top??"

"I thought you wanted to really pay him back. Egging the paint:?? Naw, you should go full-tilt boogie on that blasted car. Take a hammer to the headlights, ice-pick the tires, pour sand in the gas tank, you know, have some REAL fun for a change !"

Victor looked ecstatic. "Yes, pure and unadulterated carnage ! Brilliant !! Quite right, it would be SO cathartic, Miss Stackhouse. I believe I will take your suggestion. Should I mention you to him as a participant in this little endeavor??"

I waved back at him..."Oh no, feel free to shoulder all the credit, I'll get my own revenge soon enough, please, be my guest. I'd hate to deprive you of your fun. Well if that's all, I'll let you get to it, I have to go fix dinner now. I'm sure his car is in the parking lot at Fangtasia tonight, he always parks it out front to enthrall the vermin, you know, he’s such a poser…"

"Quite right, Miss Stackhouse, I appreciate your candor and I hope we may work on another project someday, perhaps in taking down the mighty Viking himself, of course, not without some personal fantasies being carried out and all, but I digress. I must go, places to be, cars to burn, you know, the usual. "

I waved as Victor stalked back to the Mercedes parked in my driveway,  
"Happy motoring !!"

I then made a dash for my back door, slamming it shut behind me. "Don't drive off a bridge or anything now.." I grinned. 

\---------------------------------------------------

OPV

“Hmpf, look at these cattle, just waiting for their moment to bask in the light of the true rulers of this world, how typical of them..”  
Victor mumbled as he pulled a tire iron out of his trunk.

The Fangtasia parking lot was full with the usual clientele and tourists, and Victor had managed to park across the only entrance, barring anyone from entering or leaving.

“THIS will be sublime!! I am so glad I took Miss Stackhouse’s suggestion for my revenge. This will be unbelievably sweet !”

He located the shining red vintage ‘Vette, its gleaming paint reflecting the neon signs above the door. It was a magnificent piece of machinery and the ‘vermin’ agreed. Men clustered around it, drooling at the car’s sensual lines and luscious black leather upholstery.

Victor loosened up his shoulders by taking a practice swing..

“Ah, this will be an incredible night, I can just feel it…Move BACK, you scum ! I’m Victor Madden and I’m here to exact my revenge on Eric Northman !”

Jumping onto the fiberglass hood, he reared the tire iron back, and with a savage swing, shattered the windshield with a loud crunch. Not satisfied with the now indented hood and broken windshield, he swung the iron into each of the headlights until glass fragments covered the parking lot.  
By now, he’d drawn a huge crowd and murmurings from the front entrance grew until the crowd parted and Eric emerged, flanked by none other than Felipe DeCastro and Pam. 

DeCastro’s mouth dropped open, as Eric’s usual stony demeanor gave away nothing. Pam’s hand covered her mouth, her eyes wide with mirth, as they all watched Victor smash the tire iron into each side of the car, then pull a dagger from his jacket pocket and stab each of the radials in a frenzy of rage..

“This what I think of YOU, you insufferable moron, you’re not fit to wipe my backside! I detest your miserable innards, the sound of your voice nauseates me! ”, he shouted, wrenching off the license plate that read “BLDSKR” from the fender.. bending it in two.

He tossed the plate towards the group and pulled a small can of lighter fluid from his pocket, not realizing that the onlookers had discreetly retreated from the scene, wisely leaving just Eric and party silently observing the destruction. 

“Ahhhh… now for the piece ‘de resistance !! Voila !!”

Emptying the can of its contents onto the leather, he smirked and threw a lighted Bic into the car, watching the flames erupt off the upholstery. 

“Ah….what JOY !!”

He didn’t notice in his frenzy Eric was completely silent, in fact, his face appeared smooth and calm. Victor spun around, his eyes glazed and feral, panting, with a huge malicious grin spread across his face..

“How do you like THAT, you despicable excuse for a vampire?? HA !! I bet you never expected me to exact my revenge upon you so completely!!”

Eric simply nodded towards DeCastro…”I believe this is your call, your Majesty..it appears your lieutenant is somewhat… disturbed by something…” 

DeCastro fumed.. ”What in the name of Isis are you DOING, you imbecile !! That’s a vintage Corvette !! Do you know how long I’ve wanted to get my hands on that damned car??”

Victor’s confused look lasted all of about 2 seconds. Just long enough to emit a high-pitched squeak before his head sailed off into the parking lot.  
DeCastro wiped his sword on Victors pant leg, then sheathed it, glowering at what remained of Victor’s now-flaking body.

“It’s so hard to find good help these days”, he sighed. 

“Yes, I quite agree, one never knows about employees until it’s too late..”

“Ah well, c’est la vie.. I can always find another one on Craig’s List, I suppose..”

“I’m so sorry about the timing of your acquisition, Your Majesty, apparently Victor has been somewhat disgruntled for some time. Obviously he’d become quite unstable..” Eric smirked. 

“It was generous of you to gift me with your Corvette when you purchased your new red Ferrari, Northman, I know it meant a great deal to you..”

“Not as much as pleasing your Majesty, I’m sure..”

DeCastro sighed and shuffled back into the club, leaving Pam and Eric while the ‘Vette melted fiberglass all over the lot. 

Pam smirked and returned to the club…as Eric flipped his cell phone out and placed his call..

“Hello lover.. yes, it went well, we’ll have no more trouble from Madden.. it appears he’s been… terminated. I’m so glad we ordered that Ferrari last month, the timing was perfect. DeCastro was quite pleased with my gift. At least for awhile.”

Eric looked back towards the club and whispered.. ”One down, one to go..” 

Eric grinned.. ”You’ll do what to me when I see you tonight? Hmmm I like the sound of that, my lover. I knew I made the right choice when I bonded with you.. til then, Wifey.”

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END


End file.
